My Life: According to Me

when you know where you want to be in life and know how you should look and act like but when you actually look at your life you arent there yet. Your always not there yet. I want to finally complete some goals in life and stop half assing them.. I am sick and tired of putting in so much effort into something to just see fall from my grasp and it just keeps running farther and farther away. You try running after it but you can never catch up to retrieve that goal and you give up.. and with my knee hurting like it is it seems even harder to reach my goals for loosing weight and getting the body that I want. I see and here all these success stories and I just look at them, reblog them and say “I totally wish that their life would be mine, that their body was my body, that I could reach my goals and overcome all” Where is my motivation?? I dont want to have to go through a break up just to get back down to the weight I want just because working out made him get off my mind, I dont want to have to barely eat anything or have people tell me, “you are looking sickly”… I dont have the best confidence in the world and I wish I could boost it. When I went down from 150-130lbs I did do it a fairly healthy way but I probably should have ate a bit more than I did. For most of my life I have always been in a sport and with lifting and training I just think that even when I was at my most athletic prime I was still 150lbs. I am sort of thinking that that is just where my body is most comfortable at. There was one guy who did the p90x video and got amazing results but once he got done and stopped doing it religiously and gained back every pound. Now everyone does not go through that but I feel that it does happen. I want to get to a weight my body feel comfortable at without harsh workouts and dieting. I would love to workout all the time but I sadly dont have the time to invest in it… Just hitting a wall today I guess. For anyone who as actually read all of this, props to you and thank you for spending a little time hearing my rant.. I am gonna try again tomorrow to get back on track, I just need to keep trying, no matter how far away my fitness and life goals get I will still try and catch up to them, I hope one day I can run next to my goals… that would be ultimate!