My Life: According to Me

My friend and I got a 45 min cardio workout in today! Feeling great! A little tired but I now I need to really get down and do some homework…. Kinda lame on a Friday night but its Midterms so I have a few papers and projects to whip out by next week! :P I have a black and white photography paper and presentation to finish, a psych paper to start and get articles for, and a take home test that I need to finish that I am halfway through. It seems like a lot but I want to finish the photography stuff and the take home test tonight (just took a quiz for my online psych class, totally got a 90!! 14/15, I will take that!)

I am also very interested with what a certain boy will be doing tonight. This is is first week down at his new base down in Vegas and I think tonight will be his first night down on the strip. And he will probably be partying hard tonight. We arent in a relationship or anything at all, we arent going to start dating until he comes home in november (if all goes well which I hope things do). But we will see, I have to just worry about little ol me and get my homework done… yay…. 

I just wish I could have toned up a little better!!! I have about a month so I am gonna try!! Maybe working out twice a day somedays if I dont have homework :p what do you all suggest???? He has been working out a lot and I want to look good too!! :p

And I am terrified!!!! I keep telling myself to not worry but I am… I don’t want to be hurt again, I don’t want to feel jealous over something… I can’t live up to his lifestyle.. I am not as outgoing… Am I even ready for a relationship??? Not that i am trying hard, it has been nice to do things for me for a change but do I know myself well enough to let someone in again??? What if I go to grad school and I meet people or he goes to Vegas (where he will be stationed) and meets some sexy woman… Ugh…but I like him more and more everyday….I guess we will see what happens when he comes home in a few months… Scared….

but I dont have the money to go out and drink… every night… or at all…which is the only thing people want to do on my little campus…. 

So I get to chill tonight…. by myself…. being lame….

I have not been able to workout at all really, we are so busy with camps!!! I have probably been eating more than I should be but I want to try everything!!! Except for horse, which some of my team members tried tonight… It smelt good but I don’t think I could ever eat it!! Haha. But yes, I have lost muscle sadly I think and I have gained a little weight :p icky… But I kinda don’t care, I feel good and happy and healthy!! Yes I would love to have an amazing beach body and I want to get some tone back to my muscles but I can only do so much with the time given to me! I love my body and wouldn’t want it any other way!! I just need to watch my portions and I will be great!! Hope all is well for everyone else! Going to be heading to bed soon!!! Night!! :)

Ok, so I have been in Tokyo for not even a month and I absolutely love it here! Of course I miss my family and friends back home but this experience has been great! Last night I was able to work out since I had climbed mount fuji ( I feel like I am loosing all the muscle I gained before I left doing Trx..) we are so busy with traveling and camps it is hard to squeeze in a good workout. So I was kinda down on myself yesterday and just had one of those day where I just didn’t think I looked good, which is wrong! I am me and I can make myself into any person I want to be! Including being a fit person!! I was also down on myself because I was comparing my trip to others trips… Well one person… He is just too intimidating and I just want to get rid of the sick feeling in my stomach I get when I see him… It’s dumb and I just need to realize I am an awesome person and that I don’t need to compare myself to others… I am smart and pretty and I can do things and experience things he will never experience!! Like Tokyo!!!! Tokyo has been amazing!!! I am so excited to come back in 4 days!!!! Anyways I just wanted to give a shout out I all my followers and best friends on tumblr and hope everyone is doin great and living life!!!
Cheers,
Xoxo Alicia :)

So there is this guy that I have an art class with. He was the first to ask for my number, to drive me home, always interested in what I was doing, and always helped me with my art projects… so whenever he tried to make time for us to hang out he would either make me pick a time or day and then bail… even when he made the plans to study or hang out he would always bail on his own plans… he seems like a really sweet guy but with a lot on his plate. I just dont know if I should really keep trying… He is def out of my league but he keeps making me think that he might be interested in hanging out then bails on his own plans.. What to do?!???  I dont know!??

Either they are

1. Gay

2. Taken

3. Very Very VERY CREEPY!! (Like for some reason I get the people that have weird fetishes or they just dont have a clue in the world that I am trying to be nice and flirt with them.. so they just lead you on and then find some other girl… 

So I really dislike the end of the semester… I have to put all of my other important things in life (like working out, friends, me time, visiting family) on hold so I can finish papers and study for tests that teachers give the Friday right before the Final Exam on that Monday… I have been looking at my schedule and the amount of time I have left of school and i’m like:

WHY TEACHERS MUST YOU SHOVE EVERYTHING TO BE DUE AT THE END????? 

:( 

So today i am going to OWN MY HOMEWORK AND STAY FOCUSED!!!! 

If Homework was Malfoy.. This would be me owning it!!

Then when these two weeks are done I will be like:

But that wont be for two weeks.

Right now I need to stay focused and wright my paper and study: LIKE A BOSS!!!

So, I got accepted for a study abroad program in Japan for this summer. I will be gone for a month and a half. I am soo excited but really nervous. It will be such a new experience for me. One of my friends who is from Japan told me she would help teach me a little Japanese before I left so I could at least get around ok. It all just hasnt hit me yet. I am not a spontaneous person to just go and do something like this but two years ago the study abroad adviser told me that I would be a PERFECT candidate to go but you know what I told her… I told her that my bf (at the time) would be coming back so i didnt want to be gone when he would be coming home… PLEASE EVERYONE DO SOMETHING FOR ME… LIVE YOUR LIFE!!! YOU NEED TO DO THE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY OR YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO DO, NO MATTER HOW SCARY, TAKE A CHANCE!! YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN. YOU NEED TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU AND GET THE EXPERIENCES YOU WANT TO HAVE IN LIFE. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO. NO MATTER THE COST, TIME, DISTANCE, YOU CAN DO IT!!! DONT LET OTHERS RULE YOUR LIFE NOT MATTER HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU. IF THEY LOVE YOU AND CARE FOR YOU ENOUGH THEY WILL SUPPORT YOU IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE!! 

Ok, :) I think im done ranting! :) 

So just a little update/my little rants.  :) Whoever reads these… you rock! Even though my life is pretty boring but hey, it happens. So today was a really good day overall. I had an art history test today and I got an A on it! SOO HAPPY!! :) But what I want to rant about I guess is that I saw an ex of mine today that is in my same major… I didnt really know it was him before we were almost past each other. I kept looking ahead, confident and strutting my stuff. I saw him look at me and then look at me again out of the corner out of my eye and then I realized it was him. He was a great guy and a great friend but he has just changed…. and I feel that I was a bitch to him but for how he treated me when I was trying to be friends with him at the beginning of fall… he totally blew me off. I love giving second, third, and fourth chances but he just can kinda be a prick about it. I would wave and smile to him everytime I would see him last semester and I even stopped to chat with him but he just kinda acted awkward and slowly moved away or if I waved and smiled he would just kinda do a little head bow and or give me the chin and wave at me in a low little wave fashion like he was trying to hide it. I hope the best for him and I hate that things are awkward between us but I dont know if I could really be friends with him. I dont like him and we have been apart for over a year but when I see him I get just a sick feeling in my stomach. If anyone reads this or has advice or anything or if you have felt this way. let me know!

Do I just need to face him some how or is being cordial but also kind of ignoring him ok??

I am sick of how I have been letting myself get the best of me. I can do whatever I put my mind to and I need to show myself just what I can do! These past 3 years of college has made me realize where my priorities should be and that I need to be my own woman for a while. This week I have gone through having the flu to having a guy not want to date me because of a girl he met two days ago (compared to our two months of talking). But I thank him. You know why? Because I dont need someone in my life right now. All through high school I used to believe that the only people that were happy were the ones that had boyfriends. I, my freshman, sophomore, and junior year, became sad and felt like I have no self worth. Senior year, I dont know what woke me up out of my rut but I just didnt give a shit about what people thought of me and I was the Happiest I have ever been. I did things for me, I felt good about myself and my accomplishments! Then boys came around (typical… when you dont want them) And so I ended up going out with a boy for almost two years but I became someone that was not me. I tried balancing stuff with college but it just was not what I wanted or needed. Even though breakups are hard they help you realize what you want and deserve in relationships. Even after dating people you begin to realize that there are better guys out there and you dont need to settle for someone that it just wanting a quick hook up or think you will do for the time being. (please note that not all guys are like this!) There are the good ones out there that are head over heals for you and each breakup you have is just putting you one step closer to that person because they are trying to get to you and meet you as fast as they can!! So, What I am going to start doing is doing things for me! First priority is my homework, I want to get my GPA up so I can get my ass into some grad schools (with some grants would be nice), second is my staying healthy. So I am going to sign up for three months at a local little yoga place down town that offers a lot of other classes like TRX! UURAH!! ( its not OO, just saying) Third, my social life. I want to do somethings that I have been wanting to do like hang out with my friends more often (especially my roomies), meet new friends, go rock climbing more, winter camp, hang out with my mom and dad a little more often, go dancing, try some random new craft or hobby, decide on trips this summer like Japan. Just do everything for me and think of what will make me happy and what I can do at the moment. 

Even though it seems so easy as I write this I know that I will need all the motivation that I can get. I have been in the gutters and trying to pick myself up but in all the wrong ways. I need to just accomplish my goals that I want to complete because I say I should. I am a nice girl that is just trying to get by in this world and by-golly I gotta stick to it! 

I hope that everyone else is having luck with how they want to live their life. Just take one day at a time. No matter what you are strong and you can handle a lot. You just need the right support to help you up so you can get back on your feet and doing the things that you want to do in life. Dont let anyone hold you back. 

loves you all— :) 

If you have read all of this please tell me what you want out of life. I would love to hear what your goals are and what you are striving for!