So just a little update/my little rants. :) Whoever reads these… you rock! Even though my life is pretty boring but hey, it happens. So today was a really good day overall. I had an art history test today and I got an A on it! SOO HAPPY!! :) But what I want to rant about I guess is that I saw an ex of mine today that is in my same major… I didnt really know it was him before we were almost past each other. I kept looking ahead, confident and strutting my stuff. I saw him look at me and then look at me again out of the corner out of my eye and then I realized it was him. He was a great guy and a great friend but he has just changed…. and I feel that I was a bitch to him but for how he treated me when I was trying to be friends with him at the beginning of fall… he totally blew me off. I love giving second, third, and fourth chances but he just can kinda be a prick about it. I would wave and smile to him everytime I would see him last semester and I even stopped to chat with him but he just kinda acted awkward and slowly moved away or if I waved and smiled he would just kinda do a little head bow and or give me the chin and wave at me in a low little wave fashion like he was trying to hide it. I hope the best for him and I hate that things are awkward between us but I dont know if I could really be friends with him. I dont like him and we have been apart for over a year but when I see him I get just a sick feeling in my stomach. If anyone reads this or has advice or anything or if you have felt this way. let me know!
Do I just need to face him some how or is being cordial but also kind of ignoring him ok??
today i deleted my dating account that i started up again last night… I decided that 1. i did not need that and people are just way to clingy and creepy on those sites, 2. i will find a guy sometime, someday, somewhere, someplace and i dont need to rush it, 3. my ex’s best friend was on there and i almost felt like i was gonna puke!!! Like seriously i could just see him checking out my profile and them having the best laugh of their life from what i put on my profile… i was only on for less than 24hrs so it could be possible…. ugh…. I hate how this all controls me still after a year of being apart… It really sucks! I dont like him anymore and i dont have feelings for him. I just feel belittled by him and it makes me feel so stupid, ugly, and just ashamed of who i am…. I shouldnt have to cower in the shadows just because i know he is around, that he is smart, tallented, and that he gets to live his life with ease and how he wants! I need to just fricken not care what he or others think and live my life!!! I know that i have changed and so has he, i am my own person with different outlooks on life, i am not the same girl he knew. I will not take the low road but the high road and be civil and cordial and who cares if they did see my profile and know that i had one, that just means that i have moved on and am loving life!!! SO HA!!! To those that think differently or judge me, that is your opinion but i am who i am. I have struggled, i have stooped to feeling like shit for over 5 months but i have gotten through so much! I am strong, beautiful, and confident and some guy will be lucky to have me someday! Right now im just gonna love life. All of you that have dealt with something like this, you deserve better and just love who you are! you are fantastic just the way you are, dont feel bad for who you are but hold your head high! <3